The First Official Badass and Man-word List on the Internet

Let’s skip all that formality jibberyjoo and get to what all 6 of you have been waiting for. I finally wrote a new blog post!!!!

Mazzeltov!!!

Google has failed me. I have prayed to It several times, and It refuses to give me what I want. I have been searching, and searching, but that that search engine (which is now basically a god) will not answer my main prayer for the time being: a list of the most badass words ever. Sure, there are some (here and here, though, the second one does have clusterfuck, and I do agree that that is a badass word), but they suck, so I am going to fill that obvious internet void.

Why have you failed me Flying spaghetti Googlemonster?

Let me explain where this is coming from.

As the WS, there are only three men working, compared to the six women who estrogenize up the place with their lady-hormones. This would be ok (I mean, less competition), except for the fact that it is kind of annoying to have overly girly pictures up and put out flyers that are not bad-ass at all. That isn’t even mentioning the fact that the men of the WS were drowning in LOLcats for a year (Thanks April).

Well, this quarter Terry decided to fix that. The flyer he made was of Bruce Lee, and changed his middle name to “Jackhammer.” This changing of the middle name is what started it. I, once seeing “Jackhammer,” became insanely jealous that I did not think of this, and incredibly competitive to outdo The Jackhammer’s badass middle name. So, for the past several months, I have been coming up with my own. I have been trying them out for the past few months via e-mail, like “Love you hard until it hurts” or  “That’s technically considered arson.” And these were enjoyable, yes, but long and awkwardly clunky as a middle name. I continued on my quest to figure out a badass middle name, but at the beginning of this month, I unintentionally gave away an incredibly badass name to another coworker. I had to step up my goddamn game to make up for that folly, but I could not think up any words that were as bad ass as that, so I decided to do what I always do when I need answers to important life questions. I prayed to Google.

But Google didn’t give me any good lists, so I had to make my own. Here it is, and you’re welcome internet!

1.       Romperstomper- a character from South Park, and also the name I foolishly gave to my friend. DAMN YOU BILL ROMPERSTOMBER BURRIS!!!!!

Burn in Hell, Hamburger Helper Glove

2.       Dickery- as in, the act of being a dick

3.       Douchery- the act of being a douche

4.       Shit-storm-a horrible, horrible situation

5.       Destructocon-not sure, but I invision a Transformer that looks eerily like me

6.       Coqroq- a band that sang in some Burger King commercials. They were eventually sued by Slipknot

This is why the world is fucked up.

7.       Thundercock- my dick

8.       Man-gasm- the feeling in response to an overwhelming amount of manliness or manly things

9.       Flame thrower-one of the most badass weapons ever (just under long sword and machine gun, and above gattling gun)

10.   MEAT- Man Food.

11.   Kaplah!- a group call, used right before battle

12.   Ramrod- Don’t ask

13.   Bro-code- a promise that a guy makes to his bros, if he backs out on this promise, he is officially the bitch of the group

14.   Bam!- a call made after a really good punch, kick, or karate chop, or spice is added to a fancy dish my Emeril

15.   Hot pissed- an anger level relating to how close you are to choking that douche Tad from Accounting.

16.   Fagatronics-Something that is exceedingly gay (not “gay” as in “happy” or “gay” as in “homosexual,” but “gay” as in “incredibly stupid.” It’s a homonym (deal with it queers.))

17.   Roar!- the sound a dinosaur or large jungle cat makes

18.   Hellbender- a person so badass that they can battle the forces of the devil. Also, a salamander

It doesn't really live up to its name.

19.   Murderfist- 1. Killing someone with a single punch 2. Killing someone by forcing ones fist so far up said victim’s rectum that it causes severe internal bleeding.

20.   Dr. Fisticuffs- I know that this is a name and not a word, but it’s on the list anyway, so fuck you for questioning me.

21.   Man-storm- something  far worse for you than a shit-storm, also with more testosterone

22.   Skull-fuck- violent oral sex

23.   Word puncher- 1. Puncher of words 2. Robert Brockway

24.   Mind fuck- the act of blowing someone’s fucking MIND

25.   Muthafuckin rapscallion- a rapscallion who also happens to be a mother fucker

That is all that I have so far. If you have any more, please post it in the comments, and I may add them.

Peace out-bitches

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