Life off of Facebook: The Beginning

Hello World, and more importantly, hello Facebook friends. If you are one of my Facebook friends, then I am assuming you have been wondering why I only posted a blog and updated my status yesterday. If you noticed my lack of activity, then you Facebook stalk me and I am probably going to get a restraining order against you. Anyway, after I updated my status, I decided to give up Facebook for Lent. For those of you who do not know, I am Catholic (no need to apologize; it’s not your fault) and during the Lenten season, Catholics are supposed to give up something they enjoy for 40 days. This is supposed to represent the sacrifice that Jesus made by dying for our sins, because, as you can obviously tell, giving up chocolate for a little over a month is exactly the same thing as being sentenced to death, tortured, beaten, dragged through town, and nailed to a cross.  It’s the EXACT same goddamned thing. Another fun fact about Catholics during Lent: we are not allowed to eat the meat of land animals on Fridays, which symbolizes how fucking crazy Catholics really are.

But at least our priests look like pimps

So yes, I decided to be hardcore about it this year and give up facebook for Lent. And I am going to share the experience with you, so that you can learn from my mistakes. Hooray entertaining people at the cost of a lot of virtual social interaction!

The Rules:

  1. No logging into Facebook at all unless it is an emergency (I don’t know what scenario would lead to a Facebook emergency,  I assume it would be when Zuckerberg sends his thugs to forcibly log me in.) When I say at all, I mean that I cannot use a computer, phone, or iPod to get onto Facebook.
  2. I am not allowed to read the e-mail notification that Facebook sends me. I cannot promise not to open the e-mail, because my blackberry opens recently received e-mails when I pull my phone out of its sleeve.
  3. I am not allowed to have anyone post something for me, nor am I allowed to look over someone’s shoulder and read what is on Facebook.  That is like indirect facebooking, and is just as bad. And along the same lines…
  4. If I unintentionally do read what someone has posted via e-mail (it happens), then I am not allowed to respond to it via my blog. Also pertaining to my blog,  I am not to use it as a way to update my status. If I am going to write a blog, it has to be at least 500 words or a two minute video.

But what this means for all of you is that you can write diabolical things on my wall, and I will not be able to do a thing to stop it. You guys could have a blast with that. Be creative! Have fun!

Anyway, in an attempt to keep the readers of my blog (who may or may not be my facebook friends) informed on my journey through the next 40 days of Lent without facebook, I have decided to use my blog as a travel journal of sorts. Buckle up, bitches, the road is about to get all fucking Catholic up in here. Wow, that metaphor didn’t make sense.

 

Day 1

11:00 AM (or sometime around there)

The first thought after deciding to give up facebook was I should update my status so that I let all my friends know. I then noted that my immediate reaction of me giving up facebook was to talk about it on facebook. This is going to be a hard 40 days.

I then found out that a job that I am going in for will mostly deal with social media, you know, like facebook. This is going to be a really fucking hard 40 days.

2:30-3:30 PM

I spend most of this time pacing.  I don’t think that this had much to do with facebook, as it did with the boredom that I was feeling at the time.

5:30

I got home from the gym and really wanted to update my status about me dead lifting 405 lbs, which is a new record for me. I was really pissed that I couldn’t gloat about it, but I moved passed it.

The rest of the night went pretty smoothly. There were minor instances in which I had the urge to update my status or upload a photo. Luckily, 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation, photoshopping an image of myself and my last blog post kept me busy enough to forget all about Facebook for the rest of the night.

Day 2

I cheated a little today; Katie Waldrop was looking at my facebook page, and I asked her to tell me who liked the link to my last blog post. I’m pretty sure that by me committing such an infraction, The Pope is going to personally cut off one of my toes.

Katie Waldrop is a temptress from Hell

Even though I did slip up, right after that I came up with the rules you read above, so now I actually have guidelines I need to follow. The structure should make it easier for me.

The rest of the day wasn’t too bad. I spent my time after work at the gym, taking a shower, ruining waffles, and sleeping. However, I am already starting to forget important numbers from Facebook, like my friend and photo count. But hey, as long as I don’t forget who my friends are, it shouldn’t be so bad, right?

 

Ok, that’s all I have for now. I will be posting throughout the 40 days of Lent, so check back regularly to see where I am in this whole ordeal.

Also, If you clicked on the link from my Facebook page and got here, you are probably wondering how I posted this to my wall. Well, I had previously set up my WordPress account to automatically update my Facebook page whenever I publish a blog post. Since this was implemented long before Lent, I am going to allow it. Suck on that, Yahweh.

Peace

 

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