Inappropriate Sympathy Cards

So, I’m pissed. Like, really pissed, you guys. I’m being discriminated against. Yeah, you heard me right (somehow). I, Minigan Blackwood, the most awesome person you know, is being discriminated against. “Who or what group is discriminating against you, Minigan Blackwood, the most awesome person that I know?” is what you guys are asking to the computer screen right now. Well, I’ll tell you. It’s fucking Hallmark. No, They’re not discriminating against me with their awful Made for TV movies on their vile waste of electricity they call a channel; that is more of an attack on any of us who like good movies. No. Hallmark (And all of the other greeting card companies that I don’t care to search Google for) are discriminating against me by not making cards that fit my specific personality type. In case you guys haven’t noticed, I’m kind of an asshole. But I’m not just any kind of asshole; I’m a funny asshole. That is, I like to make jokes at other people’s expense, and I really like to make jokes at inappropriate times. This is where the card companies come in.

What pisses me off is that they don’t make any sympathy cards for the small group of individuals like me who like to make jokes at funerals. Well, Fuck Hallmark; I have filled that void. For all you horrible people like me who’ve been waiting for cards like these to exist: You’re Welcome.

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Of course, you cannot have funny sympathy cards without sexy and funny sympathy cards. Here are my two examples. This one’s for the fellas:

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And here’s the one for the ladies:

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I told a friend of mine about this blog post before I started making these cards, and he misinterpreted “Inappropriate Sympathy Cards” as sympathy cards for inappropriate situations. He instantly came up with this card, and I liked it enough that I decided to make it. I wanted to give him credit for it, but he wanted to remain anonymous. Here is his Twitter page anyway.

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Your move, Hallmark.

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1 Comment

  1. it’s about time.I’ve always been that one the one with that what I thought was the perfect joke at the right time but was never right you know. The one everybody would look at in horror, shame, and even sometimes take a swing at.
    my hat, with head still attached is off to you sir keep them coming.
    Thank you


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