What Life Would Be Like if I Had Superpowers (Aka Terrifying)- Part 3

Happy September 11 everybody! Ugh. That was in bad taste. I’m sorry about that. Let’s just get past that awkwardness and watch my latest video about what it would be like if I had superpowers. Just think- if God would have given me these superpowers 11 years ago, I would have been able to prevent the attacks. That one’s on you, God.
Ugh. I did again. Sorry everybody. Here’s the video.

Ok. I’m done. Peace.


What Life Would Be Like if I Had Superpowers (Aka Terrifying)- Part 2

Well, I was actually planning on writing something this week, but I decided that it made more sense to post another video.  By which I mean I was too lazy to write anything this week. Deal with it. Also, here’s the video. It’s a little bit shorter than the last one, AND had four different superpowers in it. Yeah I’m that good.


Before we go, I think you should check out my friend Michelle’s blog. She’s a good writer, and an even bettern one since she plugged my blog recently. Go there.

Alright. I’m done.

Mashed Peace

What Life Would Be Like if I Had Super Powers (Aka Terrifying)- Part 1

Funny story: The sentence I use most not pertaining to my dick is, “Sorry this is so long.” And I usually use that sentence here on my blog. Today will be no exception. Here is my eight and a half minute rant about what it would be like if I had super powers. Enjoy

As I pointed out in the video, I will be doing more videos on this subject since I had so many good responses. Hopefully those videos will be shorter.


Lenten Facebook Challenge: The Home Stretch

Well, I am 6 1/2 hours away from being able to get onto facebook. This would be awesome, but I work third shift now, so I cant enjoy this until tomorrow morning. But I think we can all agree that I no longer have to write about this stupid subject that I ran out of good things to say avter the first video. Oh well, life’s a bitch. While I wallow in that fact, enjoy this video:

Here is the url to the shirt:


Oh, and has any one else noticed how each video I upload has higher production value than the last? Both editing and special effects in this one?!?! Damn at this rate, my third one from now should end up on Comedy Central.

Lenten Facebook Challenge: Day 26

OK, only 2 weeks left! I am beginning to think I will be able to to make it through this despite what those disembodied voices keep whispering in my ear. And because of this accomplishment, I am going to treat you all to an irrationally long, 13 minute video. Get yourself a hard drink, some tissues, and a crucifix, because this is about to get all kinds of offensive, sexy, and sacrilegious up in here.

P.S. Sorry about the length of it (That’s what HE said!), especially since I do not use it well (That’s also what he said!)

(Note: to any of you uptight people watching that that also do not know me, first of all, thank you for watching. Secondly, I am not a killer of babies. That was a joke. Get over yourselves and get a sense of humor, you prudes.)

Lenten Facebook Challenge: Day 21

Before I get started, I would like to note that at the time of writing this post, my blog has had 1,168 views during March.  This is entirely due to the whole “me not being on facebook” thing, so huzzah for me! But like every good thing, there is a downside. In this case the downside is that I don’t remember anyone of whom I was friends with from before 2 days ago. I see a ton of names in my phone, but other than the few people that I have seen within the past couple of days, I have no clue who these names belong to. So, if your name is “David Mears,” “Jerry Harper,” or if I have ever called you “Bahannah,” “Trux,” “Rondizzle,” or “Trashley,” could you please leave a comment on this blog explaining who you are, how I know you, and how you are doing (If you are a friend of mine, I can only assume that you are just as self-centered as I) it would be greatly appreciated.

Ok, moving on. As I said in a recent post, I have been spending oodles of noodles of time on Stumbleupon.com, more commonly known as the internet productivity blackhole. Since I have been off of facebook, the webpages that I like has gone from around 70 to 149. That’s right. Over 70 liked pages. That is both intense and sad, but also good for all of you, my mystery readers (most of whom I do not know who you are and why you think my words are important), because I am going to share the best ones with you. Here they are, enjoy:

While I stumbled, I listened to this: http://www.rainymood.com/

#149: www.gameboyonline.com

I spent a good 4 hours playing Pokemon on this damn website. I don’t even know why I did, I never played it when I was younger, and I was a little curious. Don’t judge me.

#147: www.livenirvana.com/pics/9309unk/images/vma_60.jpg

I like this one because it was the first image in a long time that made me want to make a motivational poster. Here it is below:

#142: images.dailydawdle.com/crying-onion.jpg

I have nothing to say that will add to this.

#139: www.polyvore.com/bro_tips/collection%3Fid%3D838819

I wanted to share a lot of these with my bros, but then I realized I didn’t know who my bros were anymore, so I’m just going to post it here and hope they see them.

#130: survivingtheworld.net/Lesson58.html

The guy from Survivng the World is a common face for me, and therefore, one of my only friends.  He dispenses wisdom in the only form that I understand: humor.

#127: www.inbflat.net

This took so much of my time simply due to all of the different combination of sounds you can make. It is really beautiful in a really weird way.

#116: www.funnyordie.com/videos/bfb12aea47/charlie-sheen-s-winning-recipes

This. Video. Is. Awesome. More and more, I’m realizing that Sheen’s meltdown was really one big publicity stunt that we all fell for. I mean, no one is that insane and entertaining without being in a mental institution or on an episode of Maury. In any case, all green things must die.

#105: www.inudge.net/index.en.html

Hey, you like music? Well fuck. Try this website out anyway; it’s pretty awesome, and also a hardcore music maker.

#101: www.nerdblerp.com/story/2011-02-02-7-grimm-fairy-tales-that-would-make-great-movies

I recently read that there are 3 new adaptations of “Snow White” coming out within the next 2 years, which proves that Hollywood is really goddamn lazy. Here Hollywood, someone did your research for you. Make these movies.

#97: www.toplessrobot.com/2009/07/the_10_creepiest_are_you_afraid_of_the_dark_episod.php

This is the article I wrote about a couple of posts ago, so I’m not going to explain it any further.

#92: www.viceland.com/blogs/en/2010/02/09/the-science-of-the-creation-museum

Now, I am already a fan of Vice Magazine, so I already liked the site. But it still seems fitting that stumbleupon takes me there occasionally. And even though I read this article a while ago, I still liked it because the first image they show is of Eve copping a feel of Adam. Stay classy Vice Magazine!

#89: www.andrewbosley.com/the-brainstormer.html

I loved this because it is a really effective way of getting an idea for a story that in no way, shape, or form is not a comedy. For instance, when I just clicked on the button, I got “Prey to Misfortune, Wartorn, Dwarf.” Comedy gold!!!

#80: www.soundcloud.com/tracks/search%3Fq%3DDon%2527t%2520Worry%2C%2520I%2527m%2520Yours%2520%28Jason%2520Mraz%2520vs.%2520Bobby%2520McFerrin%2520vs.%2520Israel%2520Kamakawiwo%2527ole%2

This is such a feel good song, in that they take 3 feel good songs and put them ass to mouth, like what you would expect if Human Centipede was an upbeat musical. This song also introduced me to Jason Mraz’s song “I’m Yours” which I now love.


Ok, the rest of my likes are ones that I would find useful for my random interests, or a lot like others that I found. I hope you waited to look at them all until now. No, that wasn’t a rule, I just thought you would be polite enough to wait until the end. You didn’t? Well, you’re a dick.

OK, I don’t have anything else left to say for this post, so I’m going to end it here. I’m going to go stumbeupon…


P.S. I only have 19 days left until I can get back on Facebook. Hooray!


Lenten Facebook Challenge: Days 13-16

I woke up Monday morning (feeling like P Diddy… sorry about that) and realized that it was actually Thursday evening. I then noticed that my head had a huge lump, I was wearing lipstick, and that by butthole hurt. I decided to let myself believe that I was picked up by an incredibly attractive and equally freaky woman, and spent the next three and a half days  drinking and sexing it up before falling down where I broke my ass and hit my head. That joke was funny on account of the concussion. Anyway, I then realized that I was not at my house. Upon further investigation, I deduced that I was actually in the trunk of a car and not in my bed. Naturally, I was confused, but after a few minutes of kicking with my energy legs, I was able to awesome my way out of it. I would make Charlie Sheen proud. Anyway, as it turns out, I was just in an abandoned parking lot across town, so I was able to call up my mom and get her to pick me up and take me back home. She didn’t even realize I was gone. It’s good to know that she cares.

Well, after that whole ordeal, I found the video that is below. I think it might just answer some questions about why almost 4 days of my life are gone with me having no recollection any of the events that transpired. But I’m still not sure how the beautiful woman factors into all of this. While I try and figure it out, you can watch the video. Enjoy.

On the bright side of all of this, since I do not remember the last four days, that means being off of Facebook was super-easy. I like that trade off.

And here are some pictures of the damage done to my room. Some of the pictures are pretty interesting.

I don't really have good captions for these.

I feel that they speak for themselves.

Stop reading these captions and just look at the damn pictures.

Why aren't you listening to me?

Bart Simpson right next to Facebook Jesus?

And I'm spent.


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