If any of you remember the last post I wrote of 2009, you probably remember it being so awesome that you came after every 5 minutes of reading my pure word sex. You may also remember that I chose the viral video of the decade to be the one about that batshit insane kid who owned a magical stripping blanket and sodomized himself with a remote. Im going to be honest about that video, I still firmly believe that it deserved to be the video of the decade, but that is because I had first saw it that year. I do not remember any of the other videos I had seen during that decade. What if there was one that made me question life more, but I simply forgot due to how fast things come in and out of our collective conscience. What of the other videos that were hugely influential to my development? I don’t remember any of them, partly because of the collective conscience thing, partly because I was in school during this entire decade, and had to push it out to absorb more useful (not really) information, but mostly because during that decade I began to hit the sauce.
Well, this decade is going to be different. For this decade, I am going to be proactive and post videos of the year so at the end of the decade, I will have a list to choose from. That means that below is my list of videos for 2010. I am going to admit, there is none of this double rainbow nonsense. Seriously, fuck that hippie. Fuck him right in the ear.
So yes, here is my video choices of 2010!!! Woo multimedia and/ or intertextuality!
Videos of the year
Huntsville Bed intruder song
It only makes sense that this is the first video on the list; this has got to be the most entertaining music video of the year, other than “The Way you lie” by Eminem and Rihanna (That one where we get to see Dominic Monaghan domestically abuse Megan Fox), but this video takes one family’s pain, and turns it into entertainment for the rest of us. It is essentially doing what most reality TV shows do, except in a shorter, easier to digest clip. It also takes the editing that is done on reality TV to a new level, making the changes blatantly obvious. It is almost as if the video is saying “Look at me! I am an over the top parody of an eccentric person. I am making them into cheap caricatures of them former selves. They will forever be known for the editing job that has turned them into a walking soundbyte!”
Eva Mendes Sex tape
What’s great about this video is Eva Mendes’s complete acceptance that men only like her cause she is oh so fuckablé. Instead of being offended or disgusted like some prudes would, she laughed it off and decided to play a joke on us all. This intentionally cheesy commercial and Mendes’s purposely horrible acting is even funnier with the lack of understanding that Mendes seems to have. So, while she is confidant and enthusiastic about her product, those of us with penises (and a few of us with vaginas (and even fewer of us with both)) are surprised and somewhat heart broken when we saw that her sex tape was actually sex tape. I salute you, Miss Mendes. If you keep this up, I might actually begin to respect you as an actor and not just as a piece of meat to oogle.
You see, although many of you probably believe that I am an intolerable Douchebag (I wouldn’t consider you wrong there), my douchebaggery is more or less just an act to entertain you. Having said that, it is not hypocritical of me to say that I hate douchebags in all of their forms. Sure, I have friends that are douchebags, and I like them fine, but I still know that they are douchebags, and therefore, I do not trust them. Now, we have this video. If you ever wanted proof that God/ Allah/ Buddha/ Karma/ whatever fucking loathes douchebags, here it is. This particular video shows what happens when the teenage brand of douchebag gets his comeuppance. I personally did not laugh at this video (at least not after the first few times I watched it), but I do feel an overwhelming surge of good feelings every time it is played. At the least, I feel nothing towards that hipster skateborder who attempted to take out a bike rider and was smacked by the angry front driver’s side bumper of the Lord. Amen.
Honest Grad School Video
It takes a certain level of brutal honesty with oneself to admit that they are in no way, shape, or form ready to handle the bullshit that exists in the real world. You can bet your ass that I am not that honest with myself. I am like 99% certain that I am going to be a famous novelist/ actor/ publisher/ billionaire playboy one day, despite the fact that I know deep down that it is never going to happen. But these kids, they’re self aware. They know exactly why they are staying in school longer, and it ain’t their love for academia. (Note: “ain’t” would be considered poor grammar to anyone with more than a Bachelor’s degree, but fuck them. I’m outta school, and my parents couldn’t be prouder.)
This video made it onto the list simply because this kid shot himself right in his pale, freckled foot by making this video. I am now so much more terrified of Gingers than what any episode of South Park could have ever made me. He does a good job at keeping himself calm and dignified, at least until 34 seconds in, when he loses his shit. In fairness to this freak, he is a teenager, so he is all angsty and doesn’t know what he is doing. But if that is the case, what the Hell was with that thing at46 seconds in? Is that the Ginger mating call? Or is it how they alert others that they are making a kill and that it is time to feed? I also like how he is demanding an answer from us, the viewers, the ones who are watching months after this was put onto the internet, and flips out when we don’t answer him immediately. Either the red hair has infected his brain and he thinks the camera is people, or this young man can see through the lens and at everyone who has ever watched this video. If it is the latter, then that would explain why he goes apeshit so fast. Think about it, you’re self conscious about how you look so you decided to make a video explaining why what people are saying is hurtful. You want to be eloquent, but all of a sudden, you see millions upon millions of people laughing at you. What would you do? I think your answer is go apeshit- crazy, redheaded freak apeshit.
Oh, and I need to thank Southpark for their parody of this video, if only because they probably pissed this kid off more:
Southpark Ginger video
like a g6
To make sense of the next video, you need to watch the video above.
like it’s quidditch
Yes, I like this video because of the hot Asian chick with the amazing rack, but I also because the video is about Harry Potter, and I have a total man-crush on Harry Potter. I would like to point out that I do NOT have a man-crush on Daniel Radcliffe; he fucks horses, but on the character himself. Because of this, this video is great because of all of its references to the book series. And they allude to the Bernie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans with better rap skillz than the people in the original video. If you didn’t notice, they rhyme Three6 with G6. That is not even rapping, that is the same goddamn word. Fuck you, Far East Movement, YOU PAY NOW!!! Anyway, although I like all those things (and the fact that they make fun of Tilight) I’ve got to say that my favorite part is definitely the chick with the nice tits.
And since we are on the subject of Harry Potter:
Harry Potter Puppet Pals: Wizard swears
This video is on the list (even though I first watched it this side of 2011) because it answers a question that has bothered me for the past decade: Are there any cuss words in the world of Harry Potter? And if so, what are they? Well guess what you blast ended skanks, there are wizard swears and they are awesome! Expecto-patronads! But the best part of this video to me is how Neville is a squash voiced by Gollum. That is how I had always envisioned him before the movies came along and fucked all that up.
Well, that’s all I got. I am not choosing the definitive video for 2010, mostly because I’m lazy, but also because it will give me a ton more ideas for when I actually vote for it. Sure that just gives me a ton more work at 2019, but who knows if im still going to be alive in 2019, let alone writing in this blog. So, yea, that’s about it for now.
You Hu-mons have a good evening.