Well, folks, the time has come. You have been there with me for that past three videos in which I’ve explained what I would do with the super powers that people from Facebook and Twitter. The first one was epic. The second one was awesome, but not as good as the first. The third was the one where I should have ended. But this one, this one will be the one that totally over does it and completely ruins the franchise. Just as a heads up: this one is by far the longest. But in typical me fashion, it’s the longest because it is chalk full of dick jokes. You’ve been warned.
I’ll write something for next week. Fo Realz.
Happy September 11 everybody! Ugh. That was in bad taste. I’m sorry about that. Let’s just get past that awkwardness and watch my latest video about what it would be like if I had superpowers. Just think- if God would have given me these superpowers 11 years ago, I would have been able to prevent the attacks. That one’s on you, God.
Ugh. I did again. Sorry everybody. Here’s the video.
Ok. I’m done. Peace.
Well, I was actually planning on writing something this week, but I decided that it made more sense to post another video. By which I mean I was too lazy to write anything this week. Deal with it. Also, here’s the video. It’s a little bit shorter than the last one, AND had four different superpowers in it. Yeah I’m that good.
Before we go, I think you should check out my friend Michelle’s blog. She’s a good writer, and an even bettern one since she plugged my blog recently. Go there.
Alright. I’m done.
Well, I am 6 1/2 hours away from being able to get onto facebook. This would be awesome, but I work third shift now, so I cant enjoy this until tomorrow morning. But I think we can all agree that I no longer have to write about this stupid subject that I ran out of good things to say avter the first video. Oh well, life’s a bitch. While I wallow in that fact, enjoy this video:
Here is the url to the shirt:
Oh, and has any one else noticed how each video I upload has higher production value than the last? Both editing and special effects in this one?!?! Damn at this rate, my third one from now should end up on Comedy Central.
OK, only 2 weeks left! I am beginning to think I will be able to to make it through this despite what those disembodied voices keep whispering in my ear. And because of this accomplishment, I am going to treat you all to an irrationally long, 13 minute video. Get yourself a hard drink, some tissues, and a crucifix, because this is about to get all kinds of offensive, sexy, and sacrilegious up in here.
P.S. Sorry about the length of it (That’s what HE said!), especially since I do not use it well (That’s also what he said!)
(Note: to any of you uptight people watching that that also do not know me, first of all, thank you for watching. Secondly, I am not a killer of babies. That was a joke. Get over yourselves and get a sense of humor, you prudes.)
I woke up Monday morning (feeling like P Diddy… sorry about that) and realized that it was actually Thursday evening. I then noticed that my head had a huge lump, I was wearing lipstick, and that by butthole hurt. I decided to let myself believe that I was picked up by an incredibly attractive and equally freaky woman, and spent the next three and a half days drinking and sexing it up before falling down where I broke my ass and hit my head. That joke was funny on account of the concussion. Anyway, I then realized that I was not at my house. Upon further investigation, I deduced that I was actually in the trunk of a car and not in my bed. Naturally, I was confused, but after a few minutes of kicking with my energy legs, I was able to awesome my way out of it. I would make Charlie Sheen proud. Anyway, as it turns out, I was just in an abandoned parking lot across town, so I was able to call up my mom and get her to pick me up and take me back home. She didn’t even realize I was gone. It’s good to know that she cares.
Well, after that whole ordeal, I found the video that is below. I think it might just answer some questions about why almost 4 days of my life are gone with me having no recollection any of the events that transpired. But I’m still not sure how the beautiful woman factors into all of this. While I try and figure it out, you can watch the video. Enjoy.
On the bright side of all of this, since I do not remember the last four days, that means being off of Facebook was super-easy. I like that trade off.
And here are some pictures of the damage done to my room. Some of the pictures are pretty interesting.
I don't really have good captions for these.
I feel that they speak for themselves.
Stop reading these captions and just look at the damn pictures.
Why aren't you listening to me?
Bart Simpson right next to Facebook Jesus?
And I'm spent.
I’m not writin’ shit today. Watch this instead. By the way, since WordPress is a dick, I had to create a youtube account so that I could post it. Seriously, fuck you WordPress.